Because You Weren't There
by toledo girl
Summary: House stepped into her home and stood there in shock as the bouquet of flowers hit the floor. Cuddy turned to him with tears in her eyes, "You weren't there." And he realized that it could be too late to admit his feelings for her.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Todd Harrison

Cuddy sat in her office and blankly stared. House had been gone for about two weeks now. It was all starting to sink in how far he would go, how far gone he would let himself get. She had seen him over do just about every drug that he can get his hands on, and every time he did, she was the one who got hurt. Every pill he took, every hallucination he had, every pain he felt, it hurt her. Now he was away and in a mental hospital.

She just sighed as she grabbed her things and left. It was time to go home to Rachel and get ready to welcome one of her old friends from her childhood, Todd Harrison. They grew up down the street from each other, and eventually dated in high school. He now needed a place to stay while he was in New Jersey for a job interview as a professor at Princeton University.

She stepped out of her office, no one to stop her and make demeaning comments about her body, no one to tease her in some childishly annoy way, no one to banter back and forth with, just a simple walk through the lobby and out to the car. Most people would find something like that nice, but as hard as it was for her to admit, it made her feel like she was missing something. It was hard, and only getting harder to walk in there and not see him. It was almost as if part of her had died.

There were many times that she had considered going to see him, but she didn't know if she could handle it. She had never told House, but there were more reasons behind why his drug addiction had bothered her, her uncle had problems with them. It was a subject often left in the dark, but it never quite left her. On certain occasions, she could clearly remember him going into random mental hospitals to detox, but it was never anything permanent.

Once she finally got home, she let her nanny go and then sat down with Rachel. Spending time with Rachel was one of the only things that she truly enjoyed anymore. Every night she came home and walked Rachel around, sang to her, played peek a boo, anything that she felt like doing, and it usually brought that tiny little smile that she loved so much, across her face. The only that would have made those moments better, would have been some one to share those moments with.

"Okay Rachel, you have to come with Mommy so that she can pick up Mr. Harrison at the airport," she said as she put a small pink bow in the little amount of hair that she had. She took her daughter and got her out to the car and into her car seat.

Everything pretty much went as planned until Cuddy put Rachel to bed. She walked out and saw Todd sitting at the kitchen table with his hand around a cup of coffee. His smile was what caught her eyes, his same old smile that he had had his entire life. The same smile that convinced her to go out with him. "You were awful quiet tonight," she commented as she grabbed herself a cup of coffee and joined him.

"I know," he softly laughed. "Only because you wouldn't stop talking."

Cuddy shrugged. "Nows your chance," she stated. Normally, she would have been offended by a comment like that, but this was some one that had been telling her the same thing since the eighth grade.

"Well," he started as he played with the handle on the cup. He looked up and smiled at her with the stray brown hairs falling in front of his eyes. He causally wiped them back and leaned forward. "I have obviously gotten my degree in teaching, the one that I was working on the last time that I had seen you," he stated.

Cuddy listened as he went on to tell her how he graduated and how he worked his way up from teaching middle school to college. She hadn't realized it, but she had been smiling contently as she ran her finger around the rim of her coffee cup, the way that she did when ever she would try to convince him to take her out. It was true that old habits were hard to break, but she hadn't realize that she might still have feelings for him. Of course, he was the one to break up with her during their junior year.

Todd laughed as he looked down towards the table. "You want me to buy you dinner?" he asked obviously noticing what she was doing. He never knew why, but when she did that, he was turned on. He was also trying to figure out how she had known. It had been forever since he had seen her do that, but he was glad that she had been flirting with him, at least, that was how he took it.

"Why?" she asked. She wanted badly to cover up what she had been doing. There was no way that she wanted to start anything right now. Even if they were some how still friends, he broke up with her. It was years ago, but he still hurt her. She also was not in the best position to start dating. She was missing House and had a baby to take care of, how could she have time to date and actually enjoy it when she did?

Todd could see that he was mistaken and quickly backed off. "Oh, nothing. I was just wondering, since you were nice enough to let me stay here rent free. You know, some way of paying you back," he lied through his teeth.

Cuddy knew exactly what he was doing, but went along with it anyways. "Maybe sometime next week," she said. "But only if you really want to. I don't want to make you feel like you have to pay me back."

"Okay," he said and then stood up. "I think I'm gonna go get some sleep. I've had a long day." There was an awkwardness in the room and he just had to get out some how.

"Good night," she said. After he had left the room, she started to wonder what it was that made her do that stuff. The little things that she could do to ruin a date. Not that this was a date, but with the way that he had to escape, it might as well have been. "And House thought that he had to mess up my time with men. It would have been just as easy to sit at home and wait for for me to walk in the next day at work."

**I know that this chapter is short and doesn't have House in it, but the next one will include him and will be longer. Please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoyed it so far :) **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Questions in The Night

House lay on his bed as he stared up at the ceiling. He had not been there that long, but it had started all just feeling like a dream. It was so surreal at times, the fact that he had ended up in a mental hospital. He had known that the drugs he was taking werProxy-Connection: keep-aliveCache-Control: max-age=0't good for him, but they had never affected him that badly. It felt like some kind of alternate universe, as if this was what could be.

His memories of the last couple of weeks before he got there were somewhat dreamlike, making his entire life feel like a huge hallucination. There were still somethings that he had been wondering about. He was starting to wonder if he had even really spoke to Cuddy. There were so many things that could have happened instead. He could have been brought there when Wilson was originally going to take him, the night with Cuddy could have really happened and there conversation before Wilson too him could have never happened, there were just too many possibilities to sort through.

House stood up and looked out the window. The dark night let a small faint glow into the room. This was his time to figure out what had happened. He went out of his room and down the hall to the phone. It was late, but if he was lucky, he would catch her during one of Rachel's feedings or something.

Cuddy stood in the doorway of the nursery. All she had been doing for a while was watch Rachel. It had started to seem like that was all that she really had anymore. Everyone else in her life was moving on or doing something else or just plain changing, while she was staying static. She had gotten a phone call earlier that week that her sister had been proposed to, and that now her parents had another reason to nag to her asking why she isn't married yet. Wilson always had his nurses to flirt with and his job to move up in. He was there, but he had been busy lately. The only problem was that she didn't know with what. Then her friend Todd who was now going to teach at a college, the only other people left were House and Rachel. She knew House was going to come back, but, was it really going to be House that came back? What if he had decided to move on and switch jobs, start over. None of that really sounded like him, but it was possible. The more likely thing would be that he would finally find some one he was interested in and completely leave her. All that left was Rachel. She loved Rachel, but she needed some one that she could actually talk to right and know that they wouldn't leave in a few days.

The phone rang and disturbed the silence. Cuddy jumped and then walked over to the kitchen so that she could answer the phone, and hopefully quickly enough before Rachel would hear it and wake up. "Hello?" she asked with her tension evident in her voice.

"Cuddy? I need to ask you a question," he said. It had been a while since he had talked to anyone that he knew outside of those walls. This was going to be one of his only phone calls and he wanted to make sure that it would be one worth while, so why not call some one that he trusted?

"House?" she asked. Now there were many things running through her head. Everything from something being terribly to him just trying to annoy her. "Is there anything wrong?" she asked wanting to quickly get to the point of the phone call. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him, but she had a baby that she didn't want to wake and a friend who had an interview to wake up for, she couldn't afford to wake either of them.

"Right," he said picking up on the hint. He knew that this was late, but there was just that one question, and as soon as he got the answer, he could sleep. "Did we sleep together?" he bluntly asked.

Cuddy's face instantly dropped. "You called to ask that?" she asked with a tone of disappointment.

"I guess that answers my question," he said. Now he could certainly tell which one had happened. He now knew what he had told her before Wilson brought him here. He could remember telling her that he hallucinated and that he thought she stayed with him while he detoxed, but he never mentioned anything about sleeping with her, getting closer, and kissing maybe, but never sleeping together.

"Wait, you were serious weren't you?" she asked. It wasn't really that hard for her to believe, but it still surprised her. It was that moment that the baby started to cry.

"That's all I needed to know," he said. He could hear Rachel crying on the other end and figured that she would have finished the conversation anyways.

"Are you sure there's nothing else?" she asked. Rachel continued to cry, but she would have felt guilty if there had been anything else that he had needed to tell her.

He was about to say something, but thought that he had better let her go. "Nope, that's it," he said and then hung up. The only thing left to do was to get better. It was as if he had had something for a moment, and then suddenly lost it. Of course, knowing was better then going on thinking about something that had never happened. "I'm fighting my own mind and it seems to be winning," he said to himself and then walked back down to his room.

Cuddy just stood tehre for a second with the buzzing in her ear from the phone. There was no way to react to that. All the sudden it had brought back memories and feelings that she hadn't had in a while. Now she wanted nothing more that to hear his voice again, or taste his lips, or even be the subject of one of his cruel remarks. He had his mysterious ways about him, and without them, there was certainly a lot missing.

Cuddy hung up the phone and turned around to go back to get Rachel. That was when she paused and noticed that the silence had once more over come the house. Cautiously, she continued her way and stopped at the doorway. In the nursery she found Todd sitting with Rachel. It was something that she had always wanted to see, Rachel and some one that she could trust. That was something that she had never had with House, but had always longed for it. Instead, House had this jealous streak of him, he needed to have her to himself. He couldn't just do like Todd was doing right now.

"I'm sorry, am I intruding on your territory?" he asked as he turned and saw Cuddy standing there.

"No," she said as she smiled. "I should be the one apologizing though. You have the interview to wake up for in the morning." Cuddy walked over and sat down next to him.

"It's fine, you were on the phone, and it wasn't like I was actually going to get any sleep anyways," he laughed and then looked up. "Who was that on the phone anyways?" he asked.

Cuddy just shook her head, she didn't want to get into the entire story right now. To Todd, everything that had happened to her since high school graduation was something new. He had no idea about House and what had happened between them. "It's nothing, really," she said.

Todd smiled. "Damn Lisa, if you ever tell anyone anything they'll put it in the paper that you might actually trust some one," he said.

"So what? I was cautious about what I said in high school. That doesn't mean anything now," she said. That might be true, but he did have a point, she couldn't just tell anyone anything, they had to earn her trust, but there weren't many people who didn't need to do that.

"Are you trying to hide a boyfriend from me?" he smugly asked.

"No," she answered. Anything else might get him suspicious.

"Girlfriend?" he asked.

Cuddy looekd to him with shock. "No!" she said and then laughed.

"Really? Because that would have been kinda hot," he started.

"And you apparently haven't change one bit," Cuddy remarked.

"Is that a good thing?" he asked.

"I don't know about that," she teased.

Todd laughed and then let the room fall silent again as they both sat there. "Will that no one call again tomorrow night at around the same time?" Todd jokingly asked.

Cuddy honestly didn't know. There were just some things that you could not tell with House. "I doubt it," she said trying to convince him that she doesn't always get mysterious calls in the night.

"Well, even if he does call," he said and then paused as she looked like she was about ready to say something, "I don't try to tell me that it's not a man. But either way, I need sleep." Todd handed Rachel over to Cuddy and wished them both good night as he left the room.

Cuddy just sat there and sighed. "Good night," she said.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Visitation

House sat there in his room, on his cot. It had been raining out that day. The entire sky was enveloped in dark clouds, leaving the wet place below to be over shadowed in the dim, grey light. There had been this nervousness that he had been feeling all of the sudden. He wasn't worried about whether or not he would make it out, but about what would happen when he did get out. This place made him feel as vulnerable as ever, so vulnerable that he realized that even his own mind could get to him and break him.

What was there after this? Wilson and Cuddy were the only people that have always been there, whether he wanted to admit it or not. Now, he didn't know if he could actually face those people.

"That call probably wasn't even real," he said to himself as he laid back down. Not wanting to think any further on that, he drowned out his thoughts and concentrated on the sound of the rain against the window.

There was a knock at the door, but he really didn't feel like responding. "Gregory House? Visitor."

The voice was that of one of the assistants there. All of them were young kids, the ones that could easily be pushed around. This time he decided to at least humor her and look up. That was when he got his surprise. "Cuddy?" he asked as he sat up.

She walked in and sat down on the cot across from him. She crossed her legs and gently smiled at him. It was something that he had missed. What he missed even more was the banter that went on between them, the way that she would get irritated at him for his comments about her body, some how, he didn't see that happening right now. "You're call from last night got me wondering whether you were okay or not," she said.

"I'd feel a lot better if you were to lower your shirt and heighten your skirt," he said. The only problem that went with this was that he was having trouble keeping the smile on his face.

Cuddy sighed. "I come out here to check on you and that's the only response that I get?" she asked. There was more of a teasing tone to her voice, but she was a bit disappointed. After what she had heard on the phone she was expecting to get something a bit more thankful, well, more, hoping. Expecting anything from House was more than a little far fetched. At least he was still acting like himself.

"Should I act any different since I'm in here?" he asked.

"No. Honestly I would be worried if you didn't." She was tense, but slowly started loosening up.

House sat on his side of the room and studied her. He wanted to know whether this was true or not. He might have gotten all of the vicodin out of his system, but he still couldn't trust himself. "Why are you here?" he asked getting straight to the point.

Cuddy looked to him with confusion. "I already told you, your phone call last night. I wanted to see how you were doing," she answered.

"No you're not, you're here for a bigger reason. You could have stayed home and called me if you wanted to know how I was doing," he said.

"Maybe I wanted proof. Would that be so bad?" she asked. There was more as the why she was there, but he couldn't be ready to hear that. He couldn't possibly be in any state of mind to hear her feelings spilled out to him. She simply had to be his friend, she might feel more then that towards him, but right now he needed a friend, not a lover, a friend with out any complications what so ever.

"I may be crazy, but I still know when I'm being lied to," he said. There was a smirk on his face, the same one that he often got when he was amused. He was thinking. Why was she there? Why right now? Had she been wondering about what he was thinking about her? If some one hallucinated about having sex with him, he knew that he would be a little curious, well, actually, turned on, but he would still ask his questions. "You wanna know what I really think of you don't you?" The grin on his face instantly grew a couple sizes.

"House," she snapped. The last thing she wanted to do right now was evaluate a personal relationship.

"Don't tell me you're not curious," he started. House leaned forward. "I think that would be the next natural step after I yell about sex that we never had to everyone in the lobby."

"You hallucinated and you thought you were carrying my lipstick around all day. I don't think you in the best mental state," Cuddy said.

"Okay then, if you're not interested," he pouted like a little kid.

Cuddy was about to say something back to him, but her cell phone went off. Like it was some sort of instinct, she quickly grabbed the phone out of her purse and answered it. Upon hearing who it was, her face dropped as she sighed. "House? I have to get going," she said and then stood up.

"See ya Cuddles," he said as she started to pass him. "And say goodbye to the twins for me. They did great today."

Cuddy stopped and frowned at him.

"And let them know that they can come back anytime they want," he looked up to her as if what he was saying was completely innocent.

Cuddy slightly smiled. "I'll be back in a few days."

"Maybe you can move in and we can become roommates. I already have one, but he's annoying. You can kick him out and take his bed if you want," he said.

"I wish I could, but I got a life waiting for me out there," she said. "Goodbye House."

With that, she left. He sat there and stared to the door. He had no idea how long he had been staring, just that it had been long enough for him to go back to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: I Have, Something

Cuddy rushed into the hospital lobby. "How is she doing?" Cuddy asked as she approached Todd.

"I haven't heard anything new. I don't know if that's a good sign or not," Todd replied. He was casually standing there. For some reason, it did seem to calm Cuddy down a little bit.

"All that means is that nothing's changed, " Cuddy responded as she took a glance around the room. Ever since she had received the phone call while visiting with House, she had been a little anxious.

"She didn't get worse," Todd said trying to keep her calm. He could see it in her eyes from the moment that she walked in how scared she was. He understood though, it wasn't everyday that your baby girl was being hospitalized because of a spiked fever.

"True," Cuddy breathed out. After calming herself down a little bit more, they both started heading towards the chairs in the waiting room. "Thanks for watching her for a little bit today. I'm sorry it had to turn out like this though," Cuddy said.

"You just thanked me and apologized to me within the same line, " Todd laughed before taking a seat.

"I think you need to relax a little. Its a fever, they'll bring it down and she'll be fine," Todd said and then motioned to the seat next to him.

"I'm the doctor here," Cuddy clarified as she sat down.

"Then you should know this by now," Todd insisted.

"You're right," Cuddy sighed. Looking over, she saw him staring forward, as if he were bored almost. She could just imagine how calm he looked sitting next to her.

A silence fell between the two as Cuddy's thoughts wondered back to Rachel. She was worried about her, even though she knew that she would most likely be okay. She had seen little kids come in with bad fevers and infections and leave within a few days with nothing wrong.

She had to change the subject. Letting her mind wonder was a bad thing to do. "How did your interview go?" Cuddy asked as she turned to him.

"Good. As a matter of fact, I think I got the job," Todd responded with a smile.

"Congratulations," Cuddy said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

Todd could see that she was trying to keep the conversation on something other than Rachel, so he decided to help her out. "How was the mystery person that you went to see?" he implored. It was something that she didn't seem to want to talk about earlier, but it was definitely something that would keep her mind off of Rachel.

"His name is House, it wasn't a mystery. And he's fine," Cuddy quickly answered. For some odd reason, she was starting to feel guilty when she would bring up his name. It wasn't her fault that he went insane. She never told him to take all of those pills.

"Is that who called last night?" Todd questioned with a genuine interest.

Cuddy smirked to him. "Yes actually," she confirmed.

Todd returned the smile to her. "You have something with him?"

Cuddy shook her head, but then stopped and took a moment to think about it. There was something. There was a certain friendship. Not the typical kind, but there was something between them. "I have something, but I don't know what it is to be honest. We're not dating or anything, but there's always been something since back in college," she explained.

Todd noted how long it took her to actually the question. There had to be something. "You and the mystery man go far back," Todd nonchalantly commented.

"Yeah," Cuddy replied, but she knew where this was going and wanted to get off that track as soon as possible. "Now, as you know, he's in the mental institution so I felt that I should go see him," Cuddy added.

"You know, he's probably going to be fine too," Todd stated.

"What makes you think that?" Cuddy asked, giving him a look of skepticism.

"Its just a feeling on that one," Todd confessed right before sitting back in his chair with his head against the wall. \

"I think he'll be fine too. He was acting like himself today," Cuddy responded more to herself.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

House sat in the office of one of the psychiatrist working there. He was starting to get irritated with being there and wanted to get out. The more time that he spent there, the more that he was starting to get truly convinced that he was honestly insane. "You think I'll be able to get the hell out of here soon?" House asked as he leaned back in the chair with his feet propped up on the desk.

"I don't think you'll be here to much longer," Richards, the doctor, replied as he studied something on the chart that he held before him. House figured that they must have been notes that were taken in the last session.

"Good, I'm in a hurry to get back to exciting everyday life of working the hospital," House sarcastically stated.

"You worried about going back there?" Richards questioned, finally looking up from the paper before him.

House let out a sigh of annoyance and cupped his hands over the handle to his cane."I'm not worried about it. Dreading it. Cuddy's going to make sure that I stick to the simple things at first and looking over my shoulder at every move I make for the next few months." he responded in a matter of factly style.

"You ever consider that maybe she just cares about you?" Richards implored. After hearing about Cuddy in the last few sessions, he knew that this guy obviously thought about her a lot.

"What you call caring is what I call annoying" House replied as he started to drum his fingertips with impatience.

"Would you rather have her annoying you? Or completely ignoring you?" Richards inquired with a tiny smile.

"I think I would rather her just do her job and let me do mine," House said, noting the smug smile.

"I don't think you mean that," Richards argued.

House swung his legs off over the edge of the desk and sat up with his cane on the floor and his hands still resting on the handle. "I don't think you know me as well as you think I do. All you psychiatrists think there is some hidden meaning behind everything that everyone says. Trust me, I'm not that complicated. If I want to say something, I say something. I don't cover everything up in a secret code for you to crack."

"If you say so," Richards agreed to humor him.

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

Cuddy kept her head down as she walked from the nurse over to join Todd. Once she stopped, she slowly looke dup and sighed. "Looks like I'm going to be spending the night here. Rachel's temp hasn't gone down yet," Cuddy announced.

"Okay," Todd responded.

"So I guess you have the house to yourself tonight," Cuddy stated. She then looked back down and started to massage her forehead.

"Are you sure that you don't want me to stay with you? Could get a tiny bit lonely in this place at night," Todd offered. He could see that she was trying to control her stress. It was working for now, but once she started getting sleep deprived, he wasn't sure how long it would last.

"Yeah, I'm sure," Cuddy answered as she looked back up and offered him a slight smile.

"All right. See you tomorrow then," Todd said.

"Bye," Cuddy called out as she watched him start to turn and walk away. There was something that she had to tell him though. One thing that she had to make sure that he heard. "Wait!"

Todd stopped and turned around to see her approaching him. "What?"

"Thank you," Cuddy smiled.

"For what?" Todd questioned. He knew that it had to do something with his helping out with Rachel, but he wanted to be sure.

"Just, being here," Cuddy answered and then kissed him on the cheek.

"You're welcome," he said.

The two stood there for what felt like eternity before Todd said good bye once more, and left Cuddy to stand there and watch him leave.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Cuddy fell asleep out in the waiting room. Her head was propped up on her hand, her hair was loosely falling over her face.

Todd, who originally thought that she would have been up, walked into the room carrying a bag with him. There wasn't much in there, just something small that he had gotten for his friend.

"Hey there sleepy head," he called out as he approached her.

Cuddy lifted her head. "Hey," she groggily replied as she wiped the hair away from her face. She had to take a minute for her eyes to adjust to the light. "What are you doing here?" she questioned.

Todd presented the bag to her. "I was out and I thought that maybe you could use this," he explained.

Cuddy took the bag and opened it up to explore its contents. She pulled out a coffee and a banana nut muffin. "Breakfast," she said as she removed the lid off the coffee. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Todd responded. He took a seat next to her and smiled.

She could feel him watching her. With a sly smile, she looked to him. "What?" Cuddy questioned after taking a sip.

Todd shook his head. "Nothing," he replied. "I guess it's just been a long time since I have seen you in the morning. I forgot how cute you look when you first wake up." He knew what he was doing. This was a dangerous territory that he was stepping into.

"Right," Cuddy laughed. For some reason, the fact that he was flirting with her went completely over her head.

Todd laughed. "No. Really," Todd argued. "You do!"

Cuddy sighed with a small smile. "Fine. If you say so," she said.

"Thank you," he responded and then sat back in the chair.

There was a moment of silence that fell between the two. It wasn't awkward though, they still enjoyed having the other person there. "You hear anything yet about Rachel?" he questioned, deciding that they should continue to talk.

"Hmm," Cuddy sighed as she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. "No," she answered, shaking her head. "I guess they don't know anything about anything going on," she explained and then looked back to Todd. "Guess I'll have to fire a few people for not knowing what they're doing," she joked.

Cuddy may have joked, but she was still nervous. Sure, they hadn't come out and told her that anything bad had happened, but they hadn't told her that anything good had happened either. She also knew that they would be a little hesitant to tell her about something going wrong and most likely wait until they absolutely had to tell her.

Todd laughed, but in all honesty, he would be nervous in their situation too. This was the boss's daughter that they were working on. "You think you can call me in about three hours and let me know what's going on? I have to get going, they called me back for a second interview," he stated with a smile.

Cuddy sat up and smiled to him. "Congratulations," she said. "And Todd, don't worry about any of this. I'll take care of Rachel, you just go do what ever you have to do," she instructed.

Todd stood up. "Thanks. And I will worry, so I had better get that call. You hear?" he implored.

"If it means that much to you," Cuddy said.

"It does," Todd responded as he turned to leave.

Cuddy sat back in her chair and watched as he left. All the sudden, she felt a little less lonely. Then it hit her, she felt less lonely. He had been flirting with her, and she liked it. The talk earlier about her being cute in the morning. That was all to get her to like him.

Maybe. She could be just getting ahead of herself. There had been a few instances in which she had wound up embarrassing herself because of misunderstandings like this.

O o o o o o o o o o

House and Cuddy stood there, right at his door. Her lips pressed against his. He himself had no control, and wasn't about to try and fight it. There was a strong attraction between them. He could feel it.

Her body was against his, each of them struggling to quickly remove the other's clothes.

They made their way into the kitchen. He had his shirt off, but his pants still on. She was the same, with her bra still hooked in the back. With one quick motion, he was able to unhook it. As soon as it was off, he lifted her onto the empty table.

Cuddy sat up and unzipped his pants. She could see how happy he was at that moment and slyly smiled up to him.

House's eyes popped opened. The third time he had had that dream since he was there.

In the darkened room, he sat up, panting. He knew that he wanted her, and he wanted her bad. For a while now, he had wanted her, but it was right after those dreams that his longing became more intense. It was a cruel reminder of what he didn't have at this moment. A reminded that all he had to go home to was an empty apartment.

Sitting up, he looked over to see his roommate sleeping. He wanted to make sure that nobody could have heard what he might have said while he was dreaming.

Then, suddenly he noticed something wrong. Regretfully, he lifted the cover off of him and peaked down at his pants. "That's nice," he mentioned to himself, noting that he would have to grab a new pair of sheets.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Plans

Cuddy was finally able to bring Rachel home. She was still fussy, but she was home, and she was going to be okay. That was all that mattered.

This was the first real scare that she had had with Rachel. The first time that she had truly been worried about her little girl.

Cuddy walked out of the nursery and into the living room. She had finally gotten her to sleep. Plopping down on the couch, she grabbed the remote and started searching through the channels. Really, she should have been trying to get caught up on any paper work or whatever that she had missed out on while sitting with Rachel, but she was too tired.

Blankly staring forward, she started dozing off. Even though she had slept in the hospital, it wasn't that great of sleep and she desperately needed a decide night. She wanted to wait up though, to make sure that Todd got back okay, and that she didn't lock him out.

Since when did she start worrying about him like that? She wasn't his mother, or his wife. He was completely capable of getting back to her house and opening the door with the spare key that she had given him. There was no reason to sit up worrying. The last time that she worried about someone getting back home, was a few weeks back when House was taken to the mental hospital.

That struck a nerve within her. Now, there were a few mixed signals. Yes, she knew that she had cared about House, always had and probably always will. There was no denying that. Then there was Todd, who was good friends with her. Was that how she thought about both of them though?

House, it was hard to think of him as a friend. He was certainly more than a mere acquaintance. She trusted him. She believed in him enough to give him a job when no one else was willing. There was definitely the fact that he was truly a good doctor. But did she really know that when she hired him? How well did she actually know him and his abilities? That decision may have been based on some personal feelings that she had. Okay, so she really liked him, and there was evidence to back it up. Great.

Now, Todd. Friend and former boyfriend. They did date, but it was a long time ago when they were both still just kids. It wasn't that she automatically discarded any sort of relationship that she had while she was younger, it was just that they had both changed. He hadn't changed all that much, but she was pretty sure that she had. And he was there with her during a time that she did need someone.

She stopped. She needed him. Whenever she needed House, he was gone, but the minute that she needed Todd, he was there.

"Rachel okay?" Todd asked, standing in the entrance to the living room.

Cuddy jumped and looked over to him. "Hey," she greeted, catching her breath. "Yeah, she's doing a lot better. There's still a slight fever, but that's it."

Todd smiled. "Good," he responded and then grabbed a bag off the table. "I got the tyke a get well present on the way home," he informed her as he took the bag over and handed it to her.

Cuddy slightly laughed. "You didn't have to do that," she replied. She accepted the bag and pulled out a small stuffed bunny with a pink bow on it's neck. "That's cute," she stated and then smiled up to him. "Thank you," she said.

He went out and got her daughter a gift. That was a sign of him liking her. Right? Or that could be just him feeling bad that a baby had to be in the hospital. She finally just decided that she was too tired to be going over every detail like she was currently doing.

"Sure," he responded and then sat down next to her. "Oh, and I have something else to tell you. I got the job," he announced.

"Congratulations," Cuddy said as she leaned over and briefly hugged him.

"Thanks," he responded after she pulled back.

They both sat back for a moment. Cuddy was starting to wonder if the hug had been more awkward than she had thought it was and decided to move the conversation along. "So when do you start?" she questioned.

"Two weeks. So between now and then, I have to go out and find a place and then have my furniture shipped from my old apartment to the new one. It shouldn't take too long, but I'm not looking forward to that part," he explained.

"I can understand that," Cuddy responded. She had always hated moving.

"Really? You would think that someone as organized as you would find moving easy. You don't have to sort through anything before you pack. I have to go and make sure that I have the clean stuff separate from the dirty before I even begin," he stated.

"That doesn't surprise me," Cuddy said and then began to laugh. "If I recall right, the first time that you took me to your room, we had to search for your bed and make sure that there were no living creatures within the piles of junk," she explained.

Todd laughed. "Hey, I was too busy being a good student to worry about my cleaning habits," he responded. "What's more important, my future or walking through my living area?"

Cuddy laughed and held her hands up in defeat. "Fine, you win," she announced and then stood up. "Either way though, I have to go to bed."

"Good night," Todd said.

"Good night," she responded. She started towards the doorway, but then stopped. "Hey," she started and then slowly wheeled around to face him. "You want to go out to dinner tomorrow night? As a small celebration on your new job?" she offered. It was a risky move, but she had to take it.

"Sure," Todd accepted.

"All right, I'll take care of it tomorrow then," she explained and then left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Lonely

Cuddy stood in the bathroom right off of her office at work. Right from there, she was heading out to meet with Todd. Standing in front of the mirror, she tried to fix her hair, but wasn't having very much luck.

"Cuddy?"

As soon as recognized the voice, she turned and quickly left the bathroom, her hands trying to hold her hair in place until she could get back in front of the mirror and pin it. "Can you make it short? I gotta leave in ten minutes," she requested.

Wilson closed the door behind him and took a second to look Cuddy over, her form fitting, low cut dress that went down right below her knees. He knew exactly what she was getting ready to do, and now he knew how serious she was about it. "Are you sure that you're up for this?" he questioned. That was the very reason he had come here. At lunch she had told him about her plans with Todd. He would have said something then, but he got called to go see one of his patients.

"What do you mean?" she asked, her face slightly dropping.

Wilson sighed. "Look I know that you can make your own decisions, but do you really think that this is a good idea? I mean, your daughter just got out of the hospital and I know that you miss House," he explained. The last thing he wanted for her to do was run into something she wasn't ready for and get hurt. She had enough going on in her life right now.

"All I'm doing is taking an old friend out to dinner. That's all," she argued and then turned and hurried back into the bathroom.

Wilson followed her and stood in the doorway. "This isn't a date?" he implored.

"No," Cuddy answered.

"Well then, I guess that explains the dress and the stressing out over your hair," he remarked.

Cuddy sighed in frustration and decided to just brush her hair and leave it down. "Look," she curtly started. "It's not what it looks like. We're going to a nice place and I want to look nice."

Wilson put his hands up in defeat. "Like I said, your choice. I just don't want to see you get hurt," he stated.

Cuddy sighed and calmed herself down. Turning to him, she looked to him and offered a small smile of gratitude. "I'm glad you care, but I don't need someone to look out for me," she informed him.

"All right," Wilson said and then turned and started for the door.

Cuddy stood there for a moment. He was right, she was missing House, and she did just get Rachel back from the hospital. That didn't mean that she couldn't like someone though? Did it? No, but it could be for all the wrong reasons. Either way, it was too late to turn back now. She had a date with Todd, no matter how many times she was going to deny that it was a date, and she had to at least see how things would go tonight.

ooo

Cuddy and Todd sat across from each other at the dinner table. It was a nice place, dimly lit.

"So, Rachel seems to be doing a lot better," Todd awkwardly started. For some reason, now that he was here with her, he had no idea what to say. Before he had left, he thought tonight would go perfectly. Apparently, he thought wrong.

Cuddy forced a smile. "Yeah, she's doing great," she responded. Was that really what he wanted to talk about now? Not that she didn't like talking about Rachel, she just wanted something more, well, romantic.

Todd looked down at the table for a moment and sighed. "I know this isn't going how you wanted," he stated and then looked up and smiled to her. "It's not how I planned either."

"What do you think the problem is?" Cuddy implored.

The waiter brought their drinks. Todd took a quick gulp while Cuddy sipped on her's for a moment.

Todd shrugged. "Maybe we should just relax a little. I mean, I wasn't completely sure that this was a date until I got here," he stated.

"Sounds good to me," Cuddy agreed and then took more of her drink.

"Now, how about you tell me about this psych ward mystery man that you went to see?" Todd asked.

Cuddy laughed and shook her head. "It's nothing. He's a friend, and I went to see him because I care. He went insane, I was worried," she explained. After she was done laughing though, she noticed that Todd was a bit sour when he asked. "Why do you care so much?" she implored.

"Just curious," Todd answered as casually as he could.

Cuddy smirked and nodded. "Right," she replied. He was jealous, he had to be. Maybe she had a better chance with him than she thought.

"Someone's flattered," Todd noted in amusement.

Cuddy took another drink and then smiled. "I have to tell you something," she started. "It's been a while since I've gotten this type of attention."

"Well, I'm glad you're enjoying it," Todd responded. He had missed her, and seeing her now brought back old feelings that he used to have for her. The feelings that he had while they were dating and then the feelings that he covered up after he had broken up with her.

The only reason that he had broken up with her in the first place was that he was just too busy for a girlfriend. He a sport every season, he had to keep his grades up, and he just didn't think that it was fair to her to be dating her and not have the time for her. The two did end up both going to Michigan State, and he did have the time for her later on, but he kept seeing her with other guys. The two remained friends through all of this, but he always wanted more. After he graduated and she was moving onto med school, he decided that it would be best to just call it quits for a while and move on.

ooo

House sat out on a bench in the hallway. He had just gotten done with one of his sessions. Today, they had covered one topic in particular. Cuddy.

His brain had created an entire hallucination around her. He wanted her to be the one to help him, he wanted her to be there to celebrate with him when he succeeded. He trusted her more than anyone else. It was never a huge secret that he liked her, but now, this place and these talks, they were all about turning his life around.

Standing up, he went as quickly as he could over to the phone so that he would not lose his courage before he was able to do anything. Without even thinking about it, he grabbed the phone and dialed the number that he knew by heart.

Julia took over for the nanny and was now watching Rachel. She had been attempting to get her to go to sleep right as she heard the phone ring. Sighing, she got up from the rocking chair in the nursery and carried the baby with her down the hall and she answered the phone. "Hello?" she asked, trying to keep quiet since Rachel had begun to dose off.

House instantly recognized that wasn't Cuddy. "Lisa Cuddy there?" he requested.

"I'm sorry, she's not here right now. Would you," she was about to offer to take a message, but she stopped as soon as she heard the click. "All right," she sighed to herself and hung up the phone.

House stood there next to the phone. She was out. There was only one reason why she would be out right now, and that was enough reason for him to just keep his feelings to himself. Limping back, he sat back down and leaned his head back against the wall.

ooo

Cuddy and Todd had just walked back into the house and let Julia go back home. They both stood out in the foyer, Cuddy putting her coat and shoes away, while Todd leaned against the door frame to the living room.

Cuddy turned from the closet and smiled to him. "I want to thank you for tonight," she said.

"I should be thanking you. I had a lot of fun," Todd explained.

Cuddy stepped closer to him. She didn't know whether it was the drinks she had had, or if she had really been this into him from the start. "Trust me, You did me more of a favor than I did you," she stated.

Todd stood up straight and looked down to her. His eyes set on her's, his mouth slightly agape. "Thank you for letting me be the one to do you the favor," he murmured.

Cuddy closed the gap between them and built up the courage to go ahead and kiss him. To her liking, he accepted it, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Comfortable

Two weeks had passed. House had been gone for five weeks now. A lot of that time had been spent thinking about Cuddy, and more recently, wondering whether or not she had a boyfriend. He had been wanting to call Wilson, to ask him if his suspicions were right, but he was afraid to. He didn't want to hear him say yes.

He was sitting in the group. Chairs all in a circle with everyone there, sharing their problems. This was not his strong point. And even more than sharing his problems, he hated having to hear about everyone else's. He didn't want to sit there and hear everyone whine about this and that. It was obvious to him what each of their problems were, why was he forced to sit them and listen to them cry about it, and talk about how there was nothing that they could do about it. The wrist slitter had no other choice because there was nothing else to do, and the man who was constantly cheating on his wife physically could not keep his dick in his pants. It was all the same after a while. It was boring.

"How about you Greg?"

House turned to the young doctor and smirked. "What about Greg?" he asked.

She smiled, knowing by now that she could never just get an answer out of him, she had to drag it out. "What do you want to do after you get out of here?" Doctor Beasley politely questioned, keeping her patience with him.

"A woman, preferably one with both a nice ass and a pair of nice fun bags. I hate having to settle for one or the other," he answered. The woman he had in mind, of course, was Cuddy. She was someone that he would never have to settle for.

Lenny Pierce, the constant cheater who was sitting right next to House looked over and smiled. "That does sound nice," he agreed.

"Like you have any standards," Carlin sneered. "I gotta tell you though, I do admire your bravery. I would be afraid of getting all those diseases out there." Elliot Carlin had many little quirks. House figured he was there pretty much because he was just a little off the wall.

"Must we talk about this?" Katherine implored. "I find this very degrading." Katherine Harrison was the wrist slitter. She always had to make sure that no one was talking about her badly, she would get uncomfortable if the conversation got close to anything that might belittle her.

"Yeah, we don't her pulling out the razor and bleeding all over the floor. They did just clean up in here," Lenny stated.

"And that's where I have to draw the line," the doctor informed them. She then looked back to House. "Is that your only plan?"

"I'm not really the type to plan things out," House replied.

"What about going back to work?" Janice inquired. Janice Furlong of course, was their paranoid member.

"I don't think so, too many people watch you when you leave your house," House remarked.

Janice widened her eyes to him and then briefly scanned the entire room. He knew that she was paranoid, so he thought he might as well have a little fun if he had to be stuck here.

Carlin looked over to her. "Ah, don't worry about it. Even if they are watching you, they can't do much to you out in public. Too many people watching," he informed her. He then looked out towards everyone else. "I'll tell you what I want to do when I get out of here. I want to finally talk to the girl that I have had my eye for the longest time. She doesn't seem to show too much interest in me though. I went out to the woods with her once as part of group of friends. I think she got a little bothered when I took off my clothes and stood naked on the rocks."

House looked over to him. "Was she bothered by the act or what she saw?" he questioned.

Carlin looked to House for a moment, slightly offended. "I never thought about that. It would something worth looking into though," he agreed.

Doctor Beasley sighed. This was not going too well today. Yes, it was supposed to be open to talk about basically anything they wanted to talk about, but they kept getting real close to the line and cutting on each other.

Evan Tate kept his head down as he fiddled with his hands. "It shouldn't matter. If someone loves you, they would never go out of their way to hurt you," he mentioned.

House looked over to the young man, he was the one that he found to be the most interesting. He never whined about his problems, and rarely did he ever speak. Most often, it was only when he was directly spoken to. Something about what he said though, it struck him. Made him think of Cuddy. If she loved, she should never go out of her way to hurt him. That was a test for him.

"What if they hurt without realizing it?" House implored. The tone of the room suddenly changed. Everyone sat there, eyes glued on Evan as he lifted his head and blankly looked up to House.

"Then you would give them a second chance, because leaving them for something they didn't know was wrong would be going out of your way to hurt them. That makes you the hypocrite," he explained.

House nodded. That was something he had to think about. Seriously think about. If Cuddy was out there with a boyfriend, did she realize what she was doing to him? Why would she be with someone else? Even before asking all of that, was she actually clear on his feelings for her? If he was going to start over once he got out of this place, he had to think about all of that, and see whether or not it was worth getting into a relationship with Cuddy.

ooo

Cuddy woke up to the alarm and rolled over to see Todd laying there. Smiling, she leaned over and kissed him. "Good morning," she whispered.

Todd moaned as a smile crept across his face. "Morning," he replied.

"What time do you have class today?" she questioned, sitting up in bed.

"I don't have to be there until eleven today," he answered, remaining half asleep.

Cuddy smiled down to him. "All right then, I guess I'll let you sleep," she said and then got out of bed. This was the fifth time in the last couple of weeks that he had spent the night there. Only once had she spent the night at his place, when she was able to find someone to keep Rachel for the night.

What had with Todd now was becoming comfortable. It was like old times again, when they would just enjoy having each other around. She liked it. She could depend on him, he and Rachel got along well. It was everything she wanted.

There was one problem though, something was to perfect. Maybe, this was all boring to her in a way. Even if it was though, she wasn't about to give it up for stupid reason like that. Not with her history of men, she couldn't afford to.

**I know that this one is short, but I just didn't have much planned out for this chapter. House gets to go home in the next chapter and that one will be a lot longer. This one was basically just to show how House feels and show you what's going on with Todd and Cuddy right before House gets out of Mayfield. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, and please let me know what you think about it.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Because You Weren't There (part 1)

House stepped off the bus to the station and waited. Wilson was going to come pick him up at any minute now, and then he would be off to go get something for Cuddy. He didn't know what to get her yet, but he just knew that he should get her something. Besides, he was going over there tonight to surprise her, that in itself should be enough.

As he limped through the crowd of people, searching for his friend, he thought about what he had just been through. The last six weeks of his life had been spent rebuilding his life. Now, he was starting over, this was his new chance to do everything over and do it right. Never before had he thought like that. It had never occurred to him to do all the things that scared him, to take a risk here and there for the sake of his own happiness and enjoyment in life. He didn't have to be afraid to be happy. Getting hurt was no longer the worst thing that could ever happen to him. Yes, he was still leery of all those things, but he had learned how to handle it.

"House!" Wilson called over to him, trying to get his attention.

House looked over and smiled. Without a word, he started in his direction. "Lonely without me?" he questioned.

Wilson took his suitcase for him and started leading him to his car. "So, how was it there?" Wilson implored.

"Personally, I thought everyone there was crazy," he replied.

ooo

Cuddy stepped out of the hospital and looked around. She knew what today was, it was the day that Wilson had taken off so that he could go get House and get him settled into his apartment. House was back. There were some mixed feelings that she had about his return. The good part would be that, she had House back in her life. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed him with her, he kept things from getting boring and she was worried about him over at Mayfield. On the other hand though, she was going to have to talk to him about what had happened right before he left, the fact that he had thought that they had slept together and then went ahead and announced it to the entire staff. That was the part that was going to be awkward.

Now, as she made her way to her car, she kept her head down. Tonight, she wasn't going to be able to go over and see House, she already had made plans with Todd before she even found out about his return. Even though she did feel bad, she knew that she would see plenty of House tomorrow when he came back to work.

Stopping dead in her tracks, she looked up. It had finally dawned on her. House. He had feelings for her, and he didn't know about Todd yet. She knew that he would be jealous. He got jealous when she would go out on a single date with a man, let alone getting serious with someone.

Instead of dwelling on the current problem, she hastened to her car and went home. There was no reason to stand there, trying to figure out how to solve the unavoidable problem. House would find out about Todd and he would get jealous. There was no way to prevent it. The only sensible thing she could think to do, was just to wait and talk to him about it tomorrow after work. That way he wouldn't have to find out through other people.

ooo

Cuddy rushed home from work. The more that she thought about not going to see House tonight, the more guilty she felt over the whole thing. Yes, he was her friend, well as much of a friend that House could be to anyone. He was also the man that had feelings for her, and as much as she hated to admit it, the man that she had feelings for.

Going to see him tonight though, just wasn't going to work. With Todd coming over, she wanted everything to be perfect. Her mother had Rachel for the night, and anytime that Rachel was gone, that meant that they got to do whatever they wanted, when ever.

Sitting down at the dining room table, Cuddy took a vase and started arranging the flowers. Such a tedious little thing, but it had to be perfect. The silence began to surround her, and that was when she started thinking. That day, six seeks ago, that very day when House stood there, shouting to the hospital that they had slept together. He really thought that they had slept together the night before.

Cuddy sighed and sat back in the chair. The flowers were perfect, but there was something still bothering her. It was silly, but she felt as if she were doing something wrong. All she was doing was getting ready for a night with her boyfriend, and she felt guilty. NOt just about not seeing House on his first night back, but something more important. It was like she were going behind House's back and cheating on him. Maybe in a way she was. When he should have been one of her top priorities, she was at home playing with flowers instead. Maybe she should have told him about Todd a while ago. There were a lot of things that she could have done differently, but it was too late to go back and fix anything now.

Reluctantly, she stood up and forced herself to move on. She had to start getting dinner ready and get showered and changed. Todd was going to be over in a couple of hours.

ooo

Todd showed up to Cuddy's place around seven that night. He made his way up to her porch and knocked on the door. To him, the whole dinner and everything wasn't such a big deal, they had been out to dinner and all of that, it was what they were going to do afterwards that he was really looking forward to.

"Hi," Cuddy greeted, opening the door.

Todd smiled and stepped in. "Hey sweetie," he responded. Stepping in, he looked around, and easily, he could tell that she had been getting the place ready for tonight. Personally, he found it a bit silly, but it really didn't matter. As long as she was happy with it. "Did you by any chance get the bed room ready too?" he questioned.

Cuddy smirked to him. "Come on, dinner's almost done," she stated.

Todd looked around the place and then followed her into the dining room. Of course, this room too was all fixed up. The food though, smelled good. That mattered to him. "What are we having?" he inquired.

"Lasagna," she replied. She had only briefly stopped to see him sit down and then quickly moved back into the kitchen to make sure that she didn't burn dinner.

Once she was away from him though, her smile instantly faded. That same excited feeling that she had for him awhile ago just wasn't there anymore. It faded. It was like she was little and she would get a new toy on her birthday. She was all excited about it when she first opened it, and she would constantly play with it. As time went on though, that brand new shiny toy grew dull and she would get bored with it, only to look forward to getting something new next year.

The only reason that she stayed with him anymore was because he was comfortable. He was dependable. Todd was the updated, better version of Lucas.

Recalling Lucas, she thought back to how they once talked about marriage. To how the idea of being Lisa Douglas once appealed to her. Even that though, was more heartfelt than what she had now. Not once had she thought of herself as Lisa Harrison. Lisa House though, that had a nice little ring to it.

No. She couldn't think like that anymore. The best sounding name was Lisa Cuddy, and she had to stick to that one for a while. Maybe she could try out Lisa Harrison later when she wasn't feeling so guilty over all of this.

Cuddy turned off the oven and sighed. This 'perfect' night, wasn't working out as well as she had originally planned.

Ooo

Todd sat at the table for a second, but once he was sure that she was preoccupied, he snuck back out to the hall where his coat was, right before the door. Taking a look back to make sure that she couldn't see him, he reached into the pocket and pulled out a small box. He had gone out to get her something that he thought he should have gotten her a long time ago.

He took the box out and slipped it into his pocket. This was something that he had to do tonight. It just felt right to him.

Ooo

House stood in his new bedroom as he got ready for the night. Wilson had told him not to go, but that was just Wilson. Besides, he was out at the store right now, getting some ridiculous things that House had sent him out for.

House stood before his mirror, making sure that his tie was just right, that his coat looked nice enough. He even shaved. Once he was ready, he snuck over to Wilson's bedroom and grabbed some money from his hiding place in the box on the dresser. Now, he was ready to head out.

He grabbed his cane and headed down to the bus stop. First, he had to stop and get her something and then, he was going to finally gain the courage to tell Cuddy what he had been wanting to tell her for the last twenty years.


End file.
